How to stop caring what people think

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Especially if it affects you, you need to learn how to stop caring what people think. Going to parties, having 1:1 coffee dates and spending time in the company of cherished friends are things that many hold close to their hearts. The only issue with genuinely and wholeheartedly caring about people is that you can’t help but also caring about what they think of you. It’s built into our DNA to seek love, approval and acceptance from the people around us, but this can become problematic when it causes us to slip into the “people-pleaser” mode. It’s a behaviour that can push us into living the lives that others want for us, rather than the lives that we truly want – – and it has probably been one of the biggest obstacles that many of us will face throughout our lifetimes.

If you feel like other people’s expectations of you are subsequently resulting in you struggling to refine your goals so they align with your own interests, rather than the interests of others, here’s a slice of advice from someone that knows how you feel.

Take a social media break

Take a social media break. Delete your social media apps and discipline yourself to keep them deleted for a while.

In spite of your inevitable intrigue to see what your friends are doing right now, over-consumption can lead to feelings of inadequacy and the sensation that you’re being judged and scrutinised. You need to set mental boundaries, for the sake of your mental health.

Sarah that used to sit next to you in your Shakespeare classes may watch your Instagram stories, but she’s not a real friend, nor someone who is there for you. So why show her a life reel with the subconscious aim of trying to please her?

Surround yourself with positive people

Surround yourself with positive people. At the end of the day, your closest friends and your family, the ones that care about you truly, have your best interests at heart. So, if you surround yourself solely with those you love and trust, there’s no need to accept that promotion because it would look good to others, when you know, innately, that you’d resent the exhaustion you feel from working longer hours. Whichever friend or acquaintance’s opinion is plaguing your thoughts, distance yourself, mentally (at least) if not physically, and get real with your values.

It’s your life, so write your own story.

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How to bounce back

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At some point you will need to know how to bounce back if you’ve been/are going through a period in your life when everything seemed or seems to be going pear-shaped? If you’re a pretty sensitive person especially, the little knocks, bumps and shoves you receive as you walk through daily life can seem more like heavy blows. Blows that can take their toll on you emotionally, physically and psychologically, and leaving you feeling as though you’ve entered an inescapable black pit. A dramatic analogy, perhaps, but it’s undeniable that when you repetitively take your mind to a place of fear, self-doubt and hopelessness, it’s toxicity feeds into your daily behaviour. You feel tired, unmotivated and dissatisfied, amounting simply to a downward spiral.

If life isn’t being too kind to you right now and you’re on the verge of reaching to binge on the custard creams you said you wouldn’t touch and skip the spinning class you know you should go to.

Listen to this.

Live intentionally

You need to live intentionally if you want to build positive momentum in your life. Maybe you recently suffered a family loss; received a bad exam result that you weren’t expecting or broke up with a partner. You need to focus on lifting your spirits and bringing your sparkle back. Loving life again. If you work an intensive job, then give yourself an hour in the evening to pursue an interest, spend time with a close family member or friend, or to practice self-care.

The goal is to bring as much passion into your life as possible.

A big mistake that people can make is plodding on through life as if their misery is no big deal – and yet – their unhappiness has a detrimental effect on the lives of the people around them, as well as their own.

Joy is infectious, as is sadness.

Choosing to be happy, or at least to trying to be, is a gift to others, as well as yourself. Every time I feel myself slipping into stress or despair, I quickly and mindfully tell myself to snap right out of it. Indeed, if I’m going to live my best life, bad vibes and bad feelings are a no-go. As ever, I’m going to keep forcefully pushing them out of the picture.

You have one life. So, live the movie reel you want to see.

Failing forward

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Ever heard of the concept of failing forward? Maybe you once messed up on a test you worked really hard towards in school? Or lost a race on sports day in high school you thought you would win? Though we find it so hard to admit it, failure happens to all of us, and in our culture we can’t help but allow it to make us feel crushed and ashamed, even if no one knows about it but ourselves. With “failure”, or, not meeting a goal or particular standard in something, being so frequently associated with inadequacy, stupidity and inferiority, is it so surprising that we choose to keep it bottled up inside of us and suffer in silence? Hardly.

Society, Schools, have got it all wrong.

We need competition. We need to be pushed, to be encouraged to be our best selves and live our “best lives”. But if this competitive environment gets entangled with sympathetic nods at parents evenings, friendships turning toxic with crushing comparison, and us reducing our self-worth to the score we get on a test, it’s damaging. It isn’t pushing us to do better, it’s pushing us to our limits, and then pushing us over the edge.

Fail fast

If you fail fast, this can actually set you on the best path for success. So, we need to change the way we look at failure.

OED defines failure as a ‘lack of success’. A lack. Not an absence. Here is where we introduce the idea of growth and of moving onwards, of moving upwards.

Robert F. Kennedy once said, “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly”. Thanks Google. He has a point. If you never bother to try hard at anything then you will neither fail or succeed (which, in my opinion, is far worse). The thing with making mistakes is that, yes, it can be upsetting and, yes, it can even be gut-wrenching. But you learnt something from it, didn’t you? And learning is all apart of making progress. Apart of success.

Setbacks

So whatever setbacks it is you’re dealing with right now, brush yourself off, get up off the ground and stride forward as confidently as you did before.

Want to fail forward?

So, do you want to fail forward? To end with Miss Susan Gale, “As long as you feel pain, you’re still alive. As long as you make mistakes, you’re still human. And as long as you keep trying, there’s still hope.”

You’ve got this.

How to stay motivated after university

 

Filling yourself up

Learning how to stay motivated after university was a process. I would say I ended university on a high. I was left exhausted from perhaps the most strenuous year of my life, but nevertheless, innately, I was on cloud 9. I had reached my goal after three long years of slaving away at my desk. I’d made it.

Starting over

The last thing that I was expecting was the withdrawal symptoms that I would face from moving back home and starting over, away from all of my closest and dearest friends.

What you forget when you first get immersed into university life, is the power that community gives you. I remember how ridiculously excited I was when I first started university, and how keen I was to get involved in as many fresher’s events as I could. It was the friendships that I began, that I started making from these early days that really helped to sustain me. That got me through the toughest parts of the academic years. Even if I wasn’t going out much during deadline season, just knowing that people I cared about were all around me, were in the same boat, was enough to push me through.

What’s problematic about life post-university, what’s truly heart-breaking (which no one is talking about), is that your closely-knit network, that holds you accountable, that helps motivate you, is dispersed. I guess you could say it’s like having lovingly built a life for yourself, only for it to be swiftly and brutally tugged from beneath your feet. If you’ve recently graduated, then know that you’re not alone, and that it’s completely natural to feel this way. I’ve been there, and, if I’m honest, it has been over a year now since I finished University and I’m still missing the sense of community it comes with.

Looking forward

But it’s okay, you have to keep looking forward.

A part of moving on, moving forward with your life, involves acknowledging and accepting the way you feel. Trying to block those feelings out won’t work. Face any sadness that you have inside you and come to peace with it. With time, you’re gonna get your groove back.

So. Your social circle has rapidly dwindled, but do you know what’s so great about this? You’re left with the good ones.

That’s right, the ones that actually, that truly care about you.

This has happened to me and, right now, my heart feels full.

Invest in your close friendships and value their loyalty. They will do far more for you than the 100+ acquaintances that you had at uni.

How to be productive

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Want to know how to be productive? It’s crazy how much your surroundings, and home comforts, can influence you. According to the University of Minnesota, they have the power to affect your social interactions, behaviour and mood. Yeah. I most definitely feel as though I’ve developed a great awareness of this. Having spent so much of my time working from home as a University student, it has become increasingly clear how much settings impact productivity.

When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.

~ Alexander De Heijer

Second year was the worst. Our house had issues with damp; had poor insulation and so, was freezing during the winter and, on top of this, our landlord was reluctant to resolve these problems (or promised to resolve them, but never did).

Thankfully, I’m no longer faced, at present, with a shoddy student house that is “maintained” by a careless landlord. I’m not dreading having to wrap myself in blankets and clutch a hot water bottle as I write my articles (or what had been essays). What I’m preoccupied with at the moment, is my surroundings on more of an aesthetic level.

Productivity at home.

The layout of your desk, the lighting in your room, the scent of your room, the rooms colour palette and the organisation of your space, all impacts your productivity levels.

Since, at the moment, I am occupying rented accommodation, I can’t do too much about the rooms dull beige colour. Nevertheless, I’ve developed a new obsession. Flowers.

The latest addition to my desk includes an array of lilies, roses and a potted plant which, yes, give me that extra ounce of motivation to finish that job application, write that email or finish that blog post. Self-love comes in the form of doing little things like this for myself to get me through the day. Other home comforts I can’t get enough of include numerous cups of green tea, a hot water bottle (in the winter obviously), fluffy socks, oversized jumpers and leggings…What are your favourite home comforts? Please share, if you think it’s an idea that add some light to someone else’s work day.

Starting a blog

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Starting a blog has been one of the biggest decisions I’ve ever made, and, largely it involved following my intuition.

You know that thing you’ve always thought you’d be good at? You know, that thing tucked right at the back of your mind, and never fully faced, because you never truly believed that you could do it. Well, isn’t it about time that you dusted off the cobwebs and brought it to light?

Perhaps you recognise yourself as being a realist, aka, someone that dislikes frittering away their energy on childish fantasies and ideas and prefers taking more of a practical route. A route that guarantees security. In many ways I see myself as one of these people. Though it doesn’t necessarily reflect who I am. I would say it has been more of a reflection of what I believe. That if I’m going to be successful, then I’m going to have to take the conventional route, the route that society as a mass guides me to take. I went to University and studied a subject that I have always loved, English Literature, though who is to say that I couldn’t have become just as educated in this subject from independent learning?

There’s no doubt that, with the many deadlines and challenging assessment criteria, my written communication skills have been enhanced significantly, though, weren’t my written skills already competent enough, having achieved an A grade in A level English Literature? Although I’m a big advocate for education, I cannot say that I can completely justify a system that demands you spend 40k on a course, just to get your foot on the ladder. The way my 18 year-old self saw it, was that if I was going to study anything at University, it had to be something my heart was in.

If it wasn’t a labour of love, then it wasn’t worth it.

So, my degree was just that, a labour of love, and I have no regrets whatsoever. However, if there’s one thing that I could change, was the steps I took straight out of University. Still running on adrenalin from the rush of third year, I launched myself into the first role I was offered.

Good decision-making is integral throughout your career. Whether this is in accepting a new position, coming up with a business idea or making an investment, you need to be clued-up before taking the leap.

Oh the 9-5.

There’s nothing wrong with it. But find yourself a workplace that will respect and care for your well-being, and that’s not solely concerned with squeezing you like a lemon. You want to be challenged, but not to the point where it drains you of all your energy which you could be spending on other things, including your hobbies and personal ambitions.

Blogs about lifestyle

Many people have begun blogs about lifestyle in an attempt to pursue a means through which they can express their innermost thoughts.

Don’t feel inhibited to pursue the big passions in your life.

If you are thinking about starting a blog, whether about motivation, lifestyle or health, you can rest assured it’ll bring excitement and opportunity into your life.

If the position you’re in is draining you of your emotional and spiritual strength, look for another. Your health (and your time), is your wealth, and if you’re not spending it on something that is supporting it, nor bringing meaning into your life, then it isn’t worth it.

Motivational speaking

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So, I have finally started a proper blog and, like so many individuals that practice motivational speaking that I admire, this is something that I have wanted to do in years. I had stopped myself before due to varying commitments. University had been a big one of these, and I’m sure that many of you out there will feel my pain and resonate with this. Thus far, I have had various highs and lows in my life and other than reaching out to close loved ones for support and guidance, to fill myself up it has been my internal monologue, and rather interestingly, internet testimonies that has sustained me at my weakest points.

Types of motivation

Words are a type of motivation that has helped get me through some of the toughest trials in my life. Words. words are so powerful, which is why I am willing myself to start this blog and speak truths and words of encouragement that I so wanted and needed to hear during these trials in my life.

Best motivational speakers

The best motivational speakers I have come across have been individuals that lifted my spirits when I needed it most. Have you ever heard the quote along the lines of, “Be the person you needed when you were younger”? Well, I feel like that is the vision I have for this blog, and I’m not going to, (and neither should you, if you are thinking of starting your own blog) underestimate the impact that words can have, and the lives that words can touch. I hope that your experience of this blog will serve to enrich some facet of your life in some way, and through motivational speaking, help you to become, to be, the person you were meant to be.